20 Romantic Gestures from History That Would Be Considered Red Flags Today

In the late 1780s, the Prince of Wales (the future George IV) is said to have sent Maria Fitzherbert a miniature depicting her eye as a token of secret love. Apparently, sending “miniatures of the beloved’s eye” to someone you were interested in was common at the time, but today, receiving a portrait depicting just one eye from someone who “won’t give up” might seem less romantic and more likely to prompt the question, “Is everything okay?”

In the 19th century, giving a lock of hair as a piece of jewelry was a common token of love, especially during the Victorian era. These days, if someone gives you a bracelet made from their hair on the third date, you’ll probably call a friend on your way home. It’s sentimental, sure, but it also gives off a strong “I’ve kept a part of you” vibe, which can seem a little strange.

Queen Victoria was known to have kept a lock of Prince Albert’s hair as a personal memento after his death. As a private funeral ritual, this is understandable, but imagine if a new partner discovered that you carry your late lover’s hair with you everywhere you go and refuse to talk about it.

Napoleon’s letters to Josephine are renowned for their passion, but they also reveal a strong tendency toward jealousy and great emotional intensity. If the person you’re dating sends you messages that swing between devotion and suspicion, it very quickly stops being romantic. Strong feelings aren’t a problem, but trying to control your partner by making them feel guilty is.

The fact that Edward VIII abdicated the British throne to marry Wallis Simpson is often portrayed as the epitome of romance. In a modern relationship, such a significant sacrifice—one that turns a whole life upside down—can come with an unspoken price to be paid later. If you sometimes feel like you can’t leave because someone has “given up everything” for you, that’s not love—it’s pressure.

The famous Victorian poets Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning married in secret and then left for Italy, partly to escape the opposition of her authoritarian father. On paper, this sounds romantic, but today, “Let’s run away secretly and cut ties with your family” can be seen as isolation rather than an act of love. Even when family situations are complicated, healthy relationships generally don’t require running away.

Petrarch wrote hundreds of sonnets about “Laura,” making her his eternal muse and thereby influencing European love poetry. What’s strange is that, although he probably caught a glimpse of her at church in 1327, it’s not known for certain whether they actually spoke to each other. Moreover, in real life, Laura was married and had children. In 2026, building an entire personal brand around someone who doesn’t want you isn’t charming—it’s obsessive and scary.

Keats’s letters to Fanny Brawne may be beautiful, but some passages are marked by an intensely needy and controlling tone. If someone tells you to write “immediately” and sees your attention as the only remedy for their misery, that’s a lot to bear in a relationship. It’s the modern-day equivalent of your partner getting upset when you don’t reply to their texts right away.

In some regions of Italy, it was traditional for a man to sing beneath a woman’s window to declare his love for her, sometimes just before the wedding. Today, showing up at someone’s home uninvited and accompanied by an audience can be perceived as less flattering and more like social pressure. If the person doesn’t want this attention, it immediately ceases to be romantic. The modern version only works when the invitation is clear and enthusiastic.

In 1806, Andrew Jackson faced off against Charles Dickinson in a duel following an argument during which Jackson’s wife, Rachel, had been insulted. At the time, this might have been seen as “defending his honor,” but today it seems more like an outburst of violence disguised as romance. Even if you value loyalty, you probably don’t want a partner who settles jealousy issues with a gun.

Beethoven’s famous “Immortal Beloved” letter is a legendary Romantic artifact, steeped in devotion and nostalgia. In a modern relationship, such a high level of emotional dependence can feel overwhelming, especially in the early stages. The line between passion and possessiveness can become blurred when someone writes as if their life couldn’t go on without your attention.

The gift given by Richard Burton—the Taylor-Burton diamond—has become an iconic moment, a “grand gesture.” Today, a breathtaking gift can still be delightful, but it can also raise the issue of “love bombing” if given too soon. When an expensive gift seems intended to secure a commitment, the romance begins to take on a transactional nature.

In 34 B.C., Mark Antony organized a lavish public ceremony in Alexandria that elevated Cleopatra’s status and “granted” her—and their children—control over various territories. It must have seemed like an epic display of devotion, but today it would look more like a reckless display of pride. If a person’s romantic gesture consists essentially of a public spectacle with life-altering consequences, that’s not charming—it’s alarming.

In early modern England, romantic relationships could be heavily controlled and shaped by family expectations, with little regard for the couple’s feelings. If we apply this context to modern romantic relationships, it can give the impression that a person is unable to make independent decisions or set boundaries with their family. Love cannot flourish when it feels as though a committee is running the relationship.

Henry VIII’s pursuit of Anne Boleyn contributed to the break with Rome and the English Reformation, a radical change that led to wars and countless deaths. In modern terms, this kind of devotion at any cost can later become an emotional lever. If someone expects lifelong loyalty because they’ve made a huge sacrifice, you may end up trapped by guilt instead of being bound by choice.

The relationship between Oscar Wilde and Lord Alfred Douglas was marked by lavish gifts, passionate letters, and a sort of “I’ll endure anything for you” commitment that escalated into a public scandal. In a modern context, a partner who continues to invest their money and reputation in someone who thrives on drama may seem less romantic and more like a red flag.

Shivarees (also known as charivari) were boisterous community traditions in which people would gather at the newlyweds’ home to make noise and “celebrate” them, sometimes without being invited. This might have been seen as a lighthearted way to build social bonds, but today it would be viewed as a serious breach of boundaries. You have the right to want to maintain your privacy after your wedding.

The story of Alexander Pushkin is often portrayed as a romantic tragedy, but the reality was one in which a culture of public honor spilled over into real life. After rumors circulated that Pushkin’s wife, Natalia Goncharova, was unfaithful to him with a Frenchman, Georges-Charles de Heeckeren d’Anthès, Pushkin challenged him to a duel and mortally wounded him. In a modern relationship, a partner who views gossip as grounds for dramatic retaliation is not “devoted”—he is unstable.

The medieval scholar Pierre Abélard and Héloïse eventually married in secret to protect Abélard’s career and reputation. In today’s world, “I’m going to hide you so I don’t lose my status” would be seen as a huge red flag. If someone’s conception of love requires you to sacrifice your life so that they can keep theirs intact, that’s not devotion—it’s a red flag.

Well, it may not have been a “duel to the death” with real guns, but it’s still enough to make you roll your eyes. There’s a well-known anecdote in the rock world that Eric Clapton and George Harrison engaged in a guitar “duel” as part of a complicated love triangle involving Pattie Boyd. Even if the details have been exaggerated over time, the atmosphere was still pretty rough by modern standards, because turning someone into the prize in a rivalry is anything but romantic.